I come from a family of history buffs. The historical facts we discuss are the kind only a select few are privy to. I bet you didn't know that about the scandal in the 1400s regarding the alternator chips in computer carburetors that kept breaking. Apple, Inc. nearly went under as a result! There's a lot more that's not in your history textbooks--how Napoleon's men tobogganed over the French Alps, all the way across the Mediterranean and conquered Morrocco; how Emperor Hirohito disguised himself as a soldier in the Union Army during the Civil War and used poisoned cottonballs from Southern plantations to help the North win; how Alexander the Great and Jimmy Carter actually worked together to bring peace to the war-torn island of Alcatraz...
Most recently, we discussed the famous war between the two Indian tribes that took up residence in Massachusetts--the Skittlians (from whom we now enjoy small, fruit-flavored candies) and the Emanemanites (from whom we now enjoy small, chocolate candies).
This afternoon, one of my ambitious brothers wrote a brief summary of our discussion in essay form. I've included it below, in case you had any interest in delving deeper into this fascinating portion of U.S. history:
The Clash of the Candies
If you have found yourself in the 1780s looking at a field strewn with smashed candy, then you would have witnessed the aftermath of a giant battle between two rival tribes, the Skittlians and the Emanemanites (abbreviated M&M-anites). These two nomadic tribes fought constantly for reasons that historians have not figured out yet. We do know, however, that their great war started right after Sacagawea killed John Smith again. The M&M-anites attacked first, and the Skittlians broke all treaties with them. They did not smoke the peace pipe until many years after that fateful day.
One person that had lived at that time said that the tribes even tortured each other: for example, if the Skittlians captured an M&M-anite, they would stuff him with Skittles until his belly grew too big for him to see his toes, and eventually he would grow accustomes to Skittles and join the Skittlians. For some unfortunate people, that happened several times on both sides of the war, so they might end up switching sides ten, or even eleven times.
Columbus saved the day when he showed up on the scene with his alternator chip. Somehow they used it to make peace; no one knows how or why yet, but they did make a peace treaty with one another. The Skittlians got the worse end of the treaty, but they still thrive in today's society, which is why most candy machines include Skittles and M&Ms. Today these once-savage tribes live peacefully together. Once in awhile an old skirmish will flare its head, but people these days know so little history that they don't ever know what causes these skirmishes. In conclusion, the Skittlians once fought large-scale battles with the M&M-anites, but now, thanks to Barney and Columbus, we all live as one big, happy family.
